Suan Mokkh: The Garden of Liberation

I attended a ten day Buddhist retreat at Suan Mokkh in southern Thailand in April 2003. This is the travelogue entry I wrote shortly afterwards.

Written: May 15, 2003 Location: Chaiya, Southern Thailand

This entry describes my stay at Suan Mokkh monastery on a ten day meditation retreat.

Suan Mokkh monastery provides a ten day meditation retreat for foreigners at the beginning of each month. The monastery was founded by the venerable Achan Buddhadasa (Slave of the Buddha) who passed away in 1993. BuddhaDasa is arguably one of the most famous and influential monks in Thailand, his writings fill a room at the national library. He founded Suan Mokkh in 1932 near his home town of Chaiya in Surat Thani province, Southern Thailand.

The monastery belongs to the Theravaden school of Buddhism as do most monasteries in Thailand. This form of Buddhism originated in Sri Lanka. The retreat consists of instruction in the Anapanasati form of meditation which means mindfulness of the breathing. Talks on Buddhism are given by monks and nuns from the monastery.

Participants on the retreat live under similar conditions to the monks and the nuns. Accommodation is in basic cells. There is a concrete bed and a pillow made out of wood! A wooden pillow is used as this is how the Buddha slept, outside under a tree with a root for a pillow. The showers are communal Thai style water tanks.

A bell is rung at 4am to start the day. To start the day there is a student reading of a piece of writing they have chosen. I really enjoyed these readings of poems or words of wisdom from Buddhist masters of East and West. A half hour meditation follows. Next there is a yoga class given by one of the students. An example of how students actively participate in the retreat. We were told that there is almost always a student in the group who is a yoga teacher or has done enough yoga to take a class. After yoga there is meditation instruction from the venerable Ajan Poh the abbot of the monastery. A half hour meditation then follows before breakfast at 8am. Breakfast is rice with green vegetables and fruit. The food is all vegetarian and is delicious.

After breakfast chores are done. Everybody chooses a chore at the beginning of the retreat and these are done after breakfast and lunch. They are quite simple to do such as sweeping the floor.

At 10am there is a Dhamma talk for an hour. These talks expound on the natural law central to Buddhism, that of Dukkha or suffering. The talks cover the nature of Dukkha, the arising of Dukkha and the means to eliminate Dukkha. It is beyond my abilities and the scope of this entry to go into detail on the Buddhist teaching. However I can briefly outline that Dukkha arises due to craving and attachment that produces a sense of self or ego. Suffering arises due to the natural law of impermanence which means that all things arise and then pass away.

The rest of the morning is given over to sitting and walking meditation. The periods of sitting meditation are not too long, usually half an hour making this retreat suitable for beginners.

Lunch is at 1pm and the food is very good. The vegetarian meals are very tasty and the food is varied each day. After lunch there is a rest break until 2.30pm. In the afternoon Ajan Poh gives further meditation instruction followed by sitting practice and walking meditation. At 5pm there is an hour of group chanting, then a short period of loving kindness meditation.

There is no meal in the evening but a hot drink is given. Most people then go for a dip in the natural hot springs which is very relaxing for an aching body.

In the evening there are two short sitting meditations either side of a walking meditation that is done around the pond, by candlelight. The day ends at 9pm and usually people retire pretty quickly in preparation for the 4am wakeup.

Like many retreats this one is done in silence. The participants are not permitted to talk for the duration of the ten days. The International Dhamma Hermitage is set in an old coconut grove. It is a peaceful setting in the nature. There are many plants and wildlife, birdsong is common.

Here follows my experiences on the retreat, my diary notes that I kept on the retreat.

I arrived late at the hermitage on the last day of April 2003. I was the 114th person to sign up for the retreat.  Due to my late arrival I missed the introductory talk by Ajan Poh. I was therefore a little disoriented. I felt a little better after a cup of hot chocolate in the large communal dining hall.

I had a brief interview with one of the retreat co-ordinators, who answered any questions that I had. He told me I would be sleeping on a concrete bed! but that I would find the retreat more comfortable than a previous intensive course I had done.

I entered my concrete cell which was very bare. My bed was a straw mat on a raised concrete platform. A wooden block with a head shaped depression cut into it, served as a pillow. Pretty severe, I wondered how I would sleep that night. The bathroom was a tank of water in the open with bowls to pour the water. The dormitory consisted of cells set around a square block looking in to an open grassy area in the centre.

At 7pm to the backdrop of thunder and lightening a co-ordinator from Ireland gave a talk in a monotone outlining the rules of the retreat. The following ten days would be in silence save for instruction and interviews with the monks and nuns.

Day One
First day and I'm knackered as I slept very little last night. The wooden pillow is a joke so I've dispensed with it and made a pillow out of clothes. A while since I've done any yoga so I'm a bit stiff. The yoga classes are given by volunteer students on the retreat.

First taste of breakfast, rice gruel with veg. but tasted ok. Receive the first meditation instructions in the morning. We are following the path of the breath as it flows in and out of the body. My breathing is good and I achieve some concentration and calmness.

Lunch is very nice and I stock up as it’s the last meal of the day. This is a mistake as I doze of in the talk in the afternoon. I feel some back pain as I am sitting. My sitting position is not great; this is not helped by the few threadbare cushions I managed to find to sit on. As I arrived late all the good cushions had been taken.

Day Two
I slept a bit better but still fitfully. I kept falling asleep in the Dhamma talks.
I changed sitting position from a cushion to a wooden step and this was much better. We are watching the breathing flow in and out and its affect on the body. The first four steps of the sixteen in Anapanasti deal with the affect of the breathing on the body. How the body feels with long and short breathing.

I do not feel hungry switching to two meals a day. I am grateful to have the opportunity to do this retreat. The monks, nuns and teachers give selflessly of their time each and every month for ten days.

Even though the meditation hall is open to the elements it is very hot in the afternoon. I find the chanting a bit boring and repetitive. Perhaps I will get more out of it with practice.

Day Three
I can't believe it is the third day already. I wake up dreadfully early to the sound of mad cats screaming.

Felt happiness after the meditation and yoga before breakfast. It is a beautiful time of day after the yoga, when the sun is a soft yellow, low in the sky.

I feel some back pain during the meditation but achieve a better posture and the pain remains in the background. The meditation is going well. I feel like my shoulders and upper back are loosening up. The yoga helps.

A storm breaks during the chanting with thunder and rain. The sky is a brilliant milky yellow as the sun goes down, there is a rainbow. I sit in the hot springs in the rain.

The friendly nun gives a Dhamma talk in the evening. She's quite political, having a pop at George Bush and Tony Blair, anti globalisation. Because of the rain we did walking meditation in the hall. We were a group of men walking round a hall in a circle, taking stilted slow steps. I wondered what people would think if they saw us, it seemed very funny to me.

Day Four
It is the fourth day already. The numbers are steadily dwindling. About thirty people have left and there are a few spaces in the hall. It would be a shame if too many people left. Especially after all the effort the monks, nuns, teachers and co-ordinators have done to put it on.

I enjoy the readings that start the day at 4.30 am. Each morning a different student does the reading. This morning it was a piece written by Christopher Titmus a leading authority on Buddhism. The words always seem clear at this time of the morning.

The friendly nun gives here last talk of the retreat. I'll miss her cheerfulness, infectious laughter and smile.

I always enjoy looking at the sky as the sun is behind the forested hills. At this time of day around 6.30pm the light is fading and I have a short dip in the hot springs. This evening the sky is pink and blue with fluffy clouds, a sugar candy sky.

Day Five
The English monk gave a brilliant and humorous talk on Dukkha. I was surprised to find such a character as a Buddhist monk. He is a bit of an English eccentric.

It was a hard day for me today. The morning meditation was tough as it was a very hot day. I may have got dehydrated. My concentration was affected by back pain. Afterwards I felt very despondent. Perhaps I couldn't 'do' meditation, others seemed so much better. These thoughts went through my mind.

I had some luck though as I found a better mat and cushion that someone had discarded on their way out. I exchanged one of my ropey cushions for these better ones.

I felt guilty at lunch as I took a large portion and struggled to finish it. Before each meal we recite a food reflection. Food should be eaten to sustain the body rather than for pleasure.

I slept after lunch and felt much better. I achieved a better sitting position with the new cushions. My back was straighter which improved the breathing. Sitting posture is probably the most crucial thing to get right for meditation.

I had a short interview with Ajan Poh the Abbot and most senior monk at Suan Mokkh. He is 71. I was struck by his eyes which lit up when laughing. It was great to meet him face to face.
I asked him about meditation but couldn't understand much of his answers. He said I should let go off my ego when talking about 'my' breathing.

In the evening we watched a video about the life of Buddhadasa the founder of Suan Mokkh.

Day Six
Didn't sleep well. Took ages to get to sleep. Couldn't switch off from the meditation.

The English monk gave another great talk on Dukkha. This time on the mental processes, how Dukkha arises and the self that is produced. I liked the English monks practical approach. I was interested to hear him state he did not know if there was a future life. Belief in re-incarnation was not essential in his approach. In fact he made fun of it. He said we may be re-born as a filling in a McDonald’s hamburger.

Ajan Poh related in his talk how he had spent many solitary years in his youth meditating in the forest.

The meditation goes well today. Feel relaxed and light.

I had an interview with a woman teacher who gives instruction in loving kindness meditation. She had her first contact in the Dhamma from a western monk so now she teaches western students at the retreat.

Day Seven
Another tough day. Change from following the breath through the body, to observing the breath as it enters and exits the nose.

The English monk gave a talk on the release from Dukkha and the way to Nibbana. I found it a bit depressing really as he made it sound unobtainable and impossible. The tone was a bit dark; there was not much to give encouragement.

Day Eight
I went walking in the gardens of the hermitage. It was very peaceful, my mind felt very quiet.

I am disappointed with progress. Step four of Anapanasati deals with calming the body through the breathing, which concentrates the mind. A visual sign is supposed to appear called the acquired sign. I can see only vague flickering images which fade away. I seem to reach a certain level of concentration then it fades and the breathing and body become tense again.

Day Nine
A special day as we only had one meal at breakfast time and a hot chocolate instead of a meal at lunchtime. It seemed to help not eating in the afternoon as I managed to sit a lot longer than usual. I did not feel hungry. There were no Dhamma talks today. The time was given over to individual practice at ones own pace.

Sitting in the afternoon a fierce wind blew leaves into the meditation hall. The wind was so loud and strong that it was difficult to note the breathing.

Day Ten
The last day of the retreat. My stomach was rumbling before breakfast as I had not eaten for 24 hours. I lingered afterwards in the dinning hall enjoying my last breakfast at the retreat. I had gotten used to the place and was a little sad to be going.

Again the day was given over to meditation at ones own pace. I looked at the nature in the gardens for the last time. I continued the practice during the day. I was a little disappointed at how much progress I had made overall. I realised that it was true what the monks had said. That a ten day course is really only long enough to give an introduction to the technique.

I sensed that the atmosphere was changing. A few people had started talking. People were beginning to leave in their minds and in reality the retreat was drawing to a close.

In the evening there was a sharing insights session. People got behind a microphone to share what they had experienced on the retreat. Many of the speakers were very eloquent and I waited until quite near the end before nervously saying my piece.

We still had to get up at 4 am the next day. There was a morning reading and a short meditation and then it was back to the cells to pack our stuff. I entered the dinning hall to a cacophony of people chatting away after ten days in silence.

I would miss the place but it would be nice to be able to do my own thing and I would be glad to leave the concrete bed behind. I stayed a couple more nights at Suan Mokkh monastery to ease myself back into life slowly. I did some meditation practice in a hall in the woods. There were many mosquitoes. I spent some time with Goh a Singaporean and Julia a German lady. They had also done the retreat. It was nice to relax over a meal at one of the restaurants outside the monastery.

Further information on this retreat can be obtained from the Suan Mokkh website.